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I wish

Shamiel Gary
February 4, 2019

It is a normal day. I’m in the shower, washing my body before I go get a massage I so desperately need. As the steamy water hits my face, I began to fall into a state of deep thought. It was like I was watching a movie of my life but it was all past memories of my mom and I. It felt so real, as if I was reliving every moment. After being in this movie for no more than thirty seconds, I snapped back into reality. I finished my shower and dried myself, wishing the movie would have lasted forever. On the way to my appointment I couldn’t stop staring at the two pictures that I have in my dash. One picture was of My mom and I at the University of Wyoming. The other was my mom, sister, and I at my sister’s wedding. Every time I looked at the pictures, all I could think and say to myself is, “I wish I could say one more word to you”.

Many people have probably felt this same feeling after losing somebody close to their heart. When I hear people say it will get better with time I just want to roll my eyes, but I know I have used this cliche statement a time or two. I don’t truly believe time heals all; I just think we learn how to cope with the pain because life is happening every second, minute, month, and year. With this being the second year since my mom passed away and mother's day coming soon, I’m driving, wishing I had the opportunity to say one more word to her. One more word would be tough...I know I would have an ocean of words gushing out of my mouth like the Victoria Falls if I could see her again.

If I could say one more word, I would keep it simple and tell her that I love her! Or that she was my superhero, my wonder woman, and that I admired her for sacrificing so much for me. I admire her for putting up with my short temper as an adolescent kid. It was bad LOL!!!!!! Throwing video game controllers because I lost or punching a hole in the wall because one of our arguments. If I had one more word I would tell her that she made a lasting impact in a lot of people's lives, especially mine. She was one of my biggest supporters. My momma always showed me unconditional love regardless of the mistakes I made or the arguments that we had.

Well...after saying all that if I could say one more word I would say “Momma, I appreciate every moment we have had together. Do you remember the time you were snapping me the ball when I was a QB in the 3rd grade? Do you remember when I was yelling at the tv saying the video game was cheating and you yelling BOY turn that game off! I appreciate you momma. I appreciate who you are and I appreciate what you stand for.”

As I’m writing these words down right now, I’m wishing I could say one more word. It breaks my heart that I can’t. I can only speak to you with no hope for a response, but there are sorrel moments where I can feel your touch or voice from the wind that brushes against me ever so gently. I read old messages imagining if we were still having a back and forth conversation. I do feel you close to me as I’m going through life.

For everybody who has special people in their life take some time today and say that one more word to make them feel appreciated. Life happens quick and you don’t know when that last one more word will be. Don’t get so consumed with your journey that you forget to smell the roses and notice the life that is going on around you.

I will reunite again in heaven with you momma. Keep watching over me I need it.

I Love You,

Your baby boy

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